Atonement

Atonement

Is the one answer to all inner feelings of

desolation, despair, self-loathing, shame and blame

that of one bold or gentle act of righting a wrongdoing?

And how do we do that on a personal level? How do we atone

for our grave trespasses to ourselves? The Twelve Steps seem

to take the sting out of the brutalities of the memories, yet how

to take it all in and atone on a much deeper, spiritual level?

I ponder this. Every day. Every night. When the black marks on

my soul somehow resurrect and the healing comes undone – how

in the darkness of the night…do I comfort myself with the promise

of the coming of a new Dawn?

Night is my demon, dark and dank, when there is no radiant heat

to warm the my trembling soul. The sunlight of the spirit is always

there, I find, to just let it and feel it. My reaching and grasping seems

to push the Light away. Yet seeking it seems to surround me with all

that I need.

Peace from haunting specters is all I seek. The memories of desperation

of a situation long gone, are ghosts without

bodies, within the vast caverns of my mind, as their playground.