A CRYSTAL OF LIGHT

Crystal was a bright, young girl from

an ordinary family living a normal life.

And so it seemed.

Then her sunny life began to change a little, one day at a time, and she began to sense a coolness and tension within her family.

Her father started arguing with, and yelling at and ridiculing other family members, especially his eldest child and only daughter, Crystal.

One day at school, her teacher remarked, "Crystal, you have a perpetual frown on your face." And Crystal was unhappy that her teacher had noticed this in her, and drew attention to that fact. Crystal felt herself flush with embarrassment. She withdrew a little.

In the weeks and months to come, Crystal dealt with continual upheaval at home. Then when each storm was over, her dad would summon Crystal to his side, and try to hug her and say how sorry he was, and that he wouldn't drink so much anymore and do those terrible things. Then he would awkwardly hug her. And Crystal froze up inside.

As she grew older, Crystal acted cool and indifferent to her schoolmates. She still had friends, but she kept her distance, and never invited them to her home. That would be like, totally "un-cool" to her.

When she was a young adolescent, she wandered downstairs one Saturday night, where her parents were having a wild party.

Crystal's dad was the life of the party-- singing and dancing wildly with many women who were acting equally as foolish. Her mother sat in a corner, with her own drink in hand, alternately downing the brown liquid, and keeping an eye on Crystal's dad--watching his every move.

Someone shoved a glass in Crystal's hand, and she looked at the ice cubes floating around the dark brew. She took a gulp. It wasn't half bad . . . and she took another. And another. The cold drink made her stomach get a warm feeling inside. Crystal grinned.

"What are you grinning at?" an ugly voice boomed in anger. Her dad was slurring his words, as he moved towards Crystal in a threatening way.

Later as she lay crying on her bed, she remembered the warming effect of the drink. Crystal also felt dizzy as she got up, and noticed that her stomach felt yucky.

Crystal would remember that night---the cool, delicious drink, and the warm feeling as she swallowed sipped, then gulped it. The reality of the cold words of her dad, and the hot tears as they ran over her nose and onto her pillow, diminished that warm feeling, somewhat.

What Crystal did not realize was that the warmth of the drink overcame the cold numbness that had been building inside. She just knew she wanted to give it another try. And she did. Soon. And soon after that.

Over the next couple of years, Crystal managed to find a few girlfriends who had something in common with her. She didn’t know exactly what she liked about them; but they drank together, and that meant friendship to Crystal.

Her home-life left a cold knot in her stomach. Her tears froze in her throat. The alcohol merely warmed her brain so she would forget her pain, her shame and the secret she kept.

Crystal somehow managed to finish high school, then college. And her best friend was by her side at both graduation ceremonies . . . a little half-pint of booze. Her “friend” never let her down.

Crystal could not think straight. Two marriages came and went before she was even aware of what happened. She made bad decisions. She wrecked cars. She went to jail once. She was totally numb to her feelings. She didn't even notice the cold steel of the jail cell bars surrounding her.

Her mother appeared to bail her out of jail. "Your father's barely cold in the ground, and you have to disgrace me like this!!! her mother shrieked at her stiff-lipped daughter. "You're following in his footsteps!" was her mother's forewarning.

Crystal's face froze in horror: she was becoming like her father had been! A DRUNK! Right then and there she vowed to never touch a drop again.

Crystal quit her drinking from that moment on for over a year. She went to church. She did everything she was supposed to do. But the block of ice inside of her remained unthawed, and thickened with each passing day.

. . . and then Crystal met someone; a nice man who liked to party, and liked her very much. She decided that a year of "behaving" proved that she did not have a problem with drinking like her father had.

And she was off and running. Her "best friend" was back home to stay, and she had a new drinking partner.

And they married. But all came tumbling down on their wedding day. He quit his drinking for good. And Crystal found that any feelings of warmth she felt towards him were attributed to the drinks that she consumed when she had started dating him.

The flush of the liquor

balanced the iciness

within her.

Crystal was getting worse. Her life, her job, her friends, her marriage, her feelings about herself were getting worse, and uglier. She hated everything . . . except her alcohol. It made everything tolerable.

Then Crystal awoke one day to find that her whole head was encased in a block of ice, and the world she saw through the ice was distorted and colorless.

She did not have the will to shake off the chill that kept the ice solid around her. People in her life withdrew from her. She fought with them, and they'd hit back--cracking the ice around her. But the warmth of her liquor mended the ice, and the "igloo shelter" remained around her eyes and her heart.

One day Crystal found that she could not move. She was frozen up throughout her body. Tears came, but only to turn to ice and finally freeze her eyes closed shut.

Now she was blind. And she lay in darkness, motionless and numb in her ice prison. She was preserved as she was: a miserable woman mummified in a coffin of ice. And she was blind, deaf, unaware and numb in her ice-laden, transparent coffin. And she stayed there for several years.

And she continued to lay there for years . . . preserved exactly as she was then, seemingly her eyes closed forever.

All of the people around her continued to grow, and mature--get married, have babies, have careers. Have a LIFE.

They didn't really seem to notice Crystal over in the her corner of the world. And Crystal really couldn't see them at all. You see, the ice had gotten so thick around her, that she was so grotesquely distorted. But Crystal couldn’t she them….as they couldn’t her.

Until one day. A very determined sunbeam reached out of the sky to seek Crystal's attention. The laser-beam of heat started to warm the block of ice that encased the woman. Crystal was not sure what was happening to her. She had grown accustomed to her hardened state.

And Crystal could do nothing to stop the little sunbeam. Something was more determined to "save" her, and Crystal didn't know why, yet wasn't able to fight it.

As the sunbeam persisted, she found that she could tolerate looking at a pretty young crocus in bloom, so she didn't think about drinking, afraid that the ice would eventually banish the flower from her vision. It was a welcome sight! So beautiful, it almost blinded her.

The little sunbeam worked feverishly--melting the ice from her face so she could feel a little puppy licking at her cheeks, as he greeted her, wagging his little tail in excitement. Crystal thought that this was O.K. too. Her face stiffly shaped into a smile.

A robin flew with its mate to a branch overhead. Crystal could hear their harmonious chirping above. It was music! It had been so long since she had been in a place where she even heard such a thing! Not to hear angry, self-deprecating voices in her head was wonderful!

One of the birds dropped a blueberry from the tree where it perched, and it landed on Crystal's lips. She bit into it, and its sweetness was a welcome to tastebuds that had grown dull in sensation over the years.

Almost simultaneously without exhaustion, the sunbeam persisted with renewed energy, and the ice fell from Crystal's nose and arms. She could smell the warm, spring air laden with an earthen aroma. She gathered the wriggling puppy into her arms and giggled.

In her elation she got to her feet, and the puppy trotted obediently alongside her. She remembered a childhood song that always delighted her . . . and she opened her mouth to start the melody and STOPPED.

No sound. Nothing. Her corners of her mouth turned down in dismay. She could feel the heat of anger rise in her cheeks, and she beckoned to the sunbeam.

"Why can't I sing?" Crystal sobbed. "I quit drinking!!!" She continued, "You gave me a taste of life, but it's like I still can't really and truly be a part of it. Like I don't deserve to!"

The sunbeam nodded. "I can't melt the rest of the ice. It is an inside job." Crystal looked in confusion as the sunbeam appeared to vanish from sight. The sky darkened.

Crystal's eyes got very dark and angry, and a familiar frown started to change her face. But then the creatures of Nature around her had needs that they made known to her.

The puppy was hungry and whimpered as it lay its head in Crystal's lap, looking sadly up at her. Crystal thought for a second, then started searching for come berries and roots and found a small pond for him to drink, and her to wash her face.

Off in the distance she heard commotion from the birds. One of the babies had mistakenly gotten knocked out of the nest. Crystal scooped up the bird, and proceeded to climb the tree, not minding her clothes getting torn and her arms get scraped. The mamma and papa robin were so relieved to have their baby back. And they made quite a fuss over him.

She looked down from her perch to see a young girl coming down the path, crying and calling out a name. The puppy bounced over to greet the child. Crystal jumped to the ground, comforted the girl, and together with the puppy, dried the child's eyes. The child was lost.

As Crystal sat with the child and the puppy at her side, she impulsively started to softly sing the comforting song of her childhood.

As she finished the song, only then did she realize that she had sung a song! The ice inside had melted enough for her to do what she really longed to do.

Crystal looked around. The sunbeam came out from behind a cloud where it had been for quite sometime. He surveyed the wondrous scene before him. "I see you've been busy!" he said with a chuckle.

And for once Crystal was speechless. The warmth of the sunbeam had brought so many new things into her world, and she took care of them without a second thought.

The warmth of the child in her sleep beside Crystal, the gratitude of the family of birds, the absent-minded wagging of the tail of the contented puppy and the joy of her ability to sing again filled Crystal with a gratitude that she had never known.

The glow she felt inside of herself was warmer and more long-lasting than anything that she had ever experienced. Ever. And it came from inside in a natural way, not from something ingested.

And all Crystal knew was this: she wanted to live in the world of the sunbeam. And knew that she could always find that sunbeam . . .

one morning at a time.

And there were others

like Crystal, working

hard to keep their part of the sunbeam in their lives; they knew the freezing darkness that filled their lives, if they drove the warmth away.

Crystal and the

others worked

hard to keep

the sunbeam

shining in their

lives and others’…

those whom had

not found the

advantage of the

power of the

light.

Crystal and the others

maintained the light of

the little sunbeam. It grew and flourished, with no threat of disappearing.

And it was wondrous!

It was brilliant! The Crystal of Ice, had become a Crystal of shimmering light. Providing a path for those to follow her. . . from darkness and cold into bright sunshine.

One day, Crystal and her sunbeam were just lazing around outside. She squinted up at him, “what is your name REALLY,” she asked him, with dead seriousness.

“I was christened ‘Spirit’, but you can just call me ‘Sunshine’—if you’d like,” was the reply. He continued, “you do not need me as your companion as you have come to know me, but I will always be here for you to talk to…anytime.”

Crystal felt saddened, but only for a moment.

“Well, that’s okay, just so we can keep having these talks…” her voice faded.

“I think I like your real name, “Spirit”. May I call you that, and you’ll come talk to me?” she asked.

“My dear one,” said the sunbeam, “you can call me whatever you wish. I will be there by your side.”

The light was moving away, and becoming a fading ray. Crystal looked in the direction it had retreated, and said, “Spirit”…

. . . and all at once, Crystal was engulfed with the brightest, whitest light she had ever known. She reached out her hand and picked up some of the light… and held it to her chest. The glow radiated inside her heart, and reflected out around her for miles - - - - a rainbow of hundreds of colors!

The Light continued to refract through the crystal prism of her heart . . . and radiated forth for the world to see.

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